this is my outlet
My voice
My dark thoughts
My private diary

Im done with it being private

This is me
This is the sum of my life
Dont like it? Well fuck off

am i in the wrong for being so angry?

4 fucking years together
The first few months went great
Then she cheated on me and i am not 100% sure my daughter is mine but i dont care
I love my lil muffin

She took 5 months to tell me the baby night not be mine
Yet i stayed
After that though the sex started to stop
And for 2.5 yrs after the muffin was born
I got lucky probably once every 2 months

And headjobs....... I had to beg and plead and even then i only got one probably 5 times
She said that it was her
I personaly believe its cuz im uncircumcised (but i wash it and i always make sure its clean)
And then she decides one night that she will spend most of the night there talking about open relationships

While we were together we made a promis that there would be a few weeks b4 we did other people

5 fucking days b4 she fucked this guy
Then another 4 b4 she fucked one of my friends
And another 3 b4 she fucked the first one again in a hotel room that she put on my credit card
I didnt care

But now i find out that she is doing the most wanton slutty things that she never did 4 me

Im more than pissed

If she was not happy she should have fucking left me ages ago

But i was never this angry b4
I used to have a better sense of humor
I used to be a kind loving person
That fucking whore killed my compassion
And that is what hurts the most

you know.......
Sometimes in life we find ourselves in a bad place wher all we have is one bullet and a prayer "Don't miss"

I say take that bullet and hold on to it till the time is right, you will get your shot, just dont waste it on yourself


Time for me to go to sleep now.

Just dont forget that i will come for you one day

i let everyone know a month in advance
No one turns up
Now im yelled at for getting angry about it
You think thats fair? You who have read my blog know that im there for people, i listen to them spill their likes dislikes wants hopes dreams and fears
Yet none of the people turned up
I could post their deepest secretes for the world to see, i could destroy their sanity and possibly their life
Yet they ignore me on the one day of the year that i just want some people around me
And then they yell at me

Fuck im pathetic

They know as well as i do that i will still be there for them

But this i will never forgive or forget
And when my sanity snaps i will kill them first

my one and only

I hate myself more than you could ever hate me
If you turned up tomorrow.......
I have told every one that there are only 2 people that if they turned up, no matter what i was doing or who i am with or if im in a relationship or not, that i would drop my life and be with them
And they hate part of me for it but atleast im honest
I dont lie
You call me by the incorrect name but i let it slide as i love you as i have loved no other

You say i use innuendo and it makes you sick thinking that im talking to them like i did you
You are wrong
I do use some of the same words but not the ones we shared
I do flirt but not like i did with you
You have my heart till the day i die
You have my love beyond even death

You love him and want him as he provides love and comfort
You want me for the dark passion that you know burns within me
But i could provide your comfort
I could hold you of a night
I would love for you to fall asleep in my arms as i cuddle you and stroke your hair
I would love to wake you up in the early hours b4 i go to work and make long sweet slow gentle love to you and when i get home have rough passionate hot wild sex with you

But you love him

So here i am, getting yelled at by you because your hurt that i am trying to fill the void you left where my heart was
I may fall in love with some one else but every time im with them ill be wishing it was you. I will NEVER love another like i love you